Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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