Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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