i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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