i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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