I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
