You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
