wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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