i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
