I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
