Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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