If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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