i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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