I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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