ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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