Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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