We're facebook friends in real life
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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