My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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