I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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