i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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