Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
