Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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