I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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