Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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