i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
