peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
did i walk over a car last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
