I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
