What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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