you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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