I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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