Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
