I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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