Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
