Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
