perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
