She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
