I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
