is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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