i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
