Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
