God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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