I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
