guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
