i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
