Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
