who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
