i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
