Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
