The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
