she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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