I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
