i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
