when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize