the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
