He had one of those small greek statue penises
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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