I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
These tits shall not be calmed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
