Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
