i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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