I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
