Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
