Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
