Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
