Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
