Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
