he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
