He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
