even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
