Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In America we eat man semen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize