her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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