I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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