so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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