I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
