My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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