I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
