I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
