i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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