trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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