Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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