its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
