Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
is that a dick in a sweater?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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