No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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