i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
