He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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