question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
